As the owner of my own business, I’m always on the lookout for good projects. I’ve had to fight for some and some have landed in my lap. I’ve been very fortunate as a freelancer to have consistent work. I wasn’t looking a few weeks ago when an opportunity arrived via Twitter DM. In the midst of plenty of interesting work, I hesitated. Then, I Googled.

And I found this:

Then, I saw the press from Wired, CNET, Forbes, Time, Engadget, PC World, The Verge. The words magical, revolutionary, game changer, and many more caught my eye.

Then, I interviewed and met with four brilliant men, who talked about their “little startup” with contagious fervor. And told me about their families. And listened when I talked about mine. While we all ate cheeseburgers.

AND THEN, I read this blog post they wrote about innovative problem solving. You should read it. It’s really cool and not what you think.

I was pretty much in at ‘Googled,’ but I can’t tell you what that blog post meant to me. To see their team, in the office, work together that way to solve a problem made my whole self happy. It’s a sign that everything isn’t broken, and I simply live for those. I was impressed. They offered the job to me the very next day, and I happily accepted.

I am excited to start this new adventure next week. My brain is already cooking with ideas. I’ll still be posting here on my blog, actively engaging on our beloved Twitter, doing some public speaking, and producing ARTCRANK. I won’t be taking on any new clients for the duration of my time at Canopy, however.

When I told my boys about the Sensus, the first thing that came out of their mouths was: “COOOOOL. WHEN CAN I HAVE ONE!?”.

I have a feeling that won’t be the last time I hear that.

To find out more: http://canopyco.com/

Or, parallels between breaking up a romance and quitting a job. A guest post by Robyn Hendrix.

Moving on from a job that isn’t working for you can actually feel a lot like extracting oneself
from a tumultuous long term romantic relationship. In fact, I was surprised to find so many tight
parallels between my recent experiences with making a career move and ending a three and a
half year marriage. Here are some of them.

You are unhappy enough to have a gut feeling that it’s time to move on, but years and years of
hard work have you so invested in the relationship organization/company that it’s difficult to
take all the concrete steps needed to escape. You feel like you are in a constant cycle of self-
sabotage, screwing up Skype dates, cover letters, missing job application deadlines, and at the
same time being too depressed/lazy to fix problems so that you can succeed at the work you
are already doing. You find yourself making mountains out of molehills and squashing any hope
of productivity.

You feel resentful at both yourself and the other party for making you feel so dependent.

You also suspect that the underlying issue behind most of the conflict is the fact that you:

-like to be actively involved in solving your own problems

-aren’t willing to put up with bullshit

You demonize your current situation, talking to everyone who will listen about all the things
that aren’t working right: drama and gossip, lack of support or resources or trust (or all three),
mixed signals and other confusing communication that leave you feeling under-appreciated and
unsure of your standing.

You get really sick of hearing yourself talk about it and wonder why any of your friends are still
willing to hang out with you at all.

The ‘rents are more worried about you than normal. They start calling you every week, instead
of every other week. You can’t seem to break them of this habit even when things are going
okay, so you have a lot of “I don’t have anything to tell you that I didn’t tell you about last
week” conversations. Your mother puts not-so-subtle hints in emails about “wondering when you’re going to find someonething new.”

Then you have moments of feeling guilty that you’ve demonized him the job so much, realizing that
all the people you’ve vented to have no clue about the parts that you really really
love and will miss terribly when you’re gone. (Kind of like when your Aunt gives you a really
hard time because she can’t believe how you would ever trust your ex to still temporarily share
a family cell phone plan with you, because nothing you ever told her would make her believe he
might actually still be a decent human being most of the time.)

Perplexed, you think back on the Honeymoon period, when you were deliriously happy to feel
like you were doing something worthwhile with your life that earned you a paycheck. You were
overly ambitious and optimistic, making fancy stuffed zucchini and homemade spaghetti sauce
and were delighted to lift heavy things, sort through boxes and boxes of half wilted donated
vegetables, and reorganize and clean everything even though it would get all messed up one
week later. You wonder where the hell that version of you went, and know deep down you can
no longer be the person you would need to be in order to be happy in that relationship position.

You reminisce about ex-lovers past employers (and maybe even fantasize about consider going
back to them as a temporary solution).

There are lots of little, fleeting moments when those parts of the job that you really do
love overtake the anger and frustration, leaving you feeling lighter and joyful and at peace.
Especially after you finally give notice – you’re actually leaving, and suddenly everything
seems easier. You find yourself laughing with coworkers and clients, you are more relaxed and
organized…and begin to question – AGAIN – whether you’ve made the right decision. Friends
reassure you that the relief you feel is a good sign that you are making the right move.

Then you burn your arm in hot oil and go back to being a curmudgeon who will be glad to be rid
of the place.

Just when you are nearly free of the situation, sharp nightmares pop up featuring your ex
supervisor lurking ominously in the darkness of your apartment for who knows what purpose.

Even though you would really like to take the higher road and calmly explain why the way
certain issues were addressed didn’t work for you, you are so physically and emotionally
exhausted and jaded by the whole thing that you don’t have it in you to “be the better person” and
the defensive snarkiness just rears its ugly head, over and over.

Thus, you feel like a horrible person.

Everyone has to have moments of being a horrible person. Or so you tell yourself. Maybe you
heard that somewhere. It sounds about right.

More self-sabotage: feeling jaded and horrible makes you doubt your ability to be in a happy,
healthy employment relationship ever again. You long for yet fear getting called for a date
job interview, worried that the exhaustion and bitterness will prevent you from showing
enthusiasm about this new opportunity and presenting yourself in the best light possible.

Post-quitting: you revel in the freedom when it’s all done, making other seemingly random
changes to your lifestyle and routine just for the sake of creating as much stark difference as
possible between new life and old. You listen to different music, you drive the other way out
of the alley, maybe you get a bad haircut, and you definitely long for a complete wardrobe
overhaul even though your current financial situation really doesn’t allow for that (due to the
whole just quit your job thing).

And the bittersweet part of it, the memories, the sudden little things that you didn’t know
you’d miss? Thoughts of wondering how things are going in the world you left behind? Sudden
flashbacks and triggers that threaten to pull you back into that dark, angry place? They sneak
up on you when you least expect them. A song on the radio, a certain smell, a broken dish.

So, yeah. Breakups, quitting. Kind of samesies. I’ve almost lost track of which one I’m writing
about.

Robyn Hendrix is an artist and wearer of many hats who wishes no ill will to any of her previous
employers. Witnessing an organization go through many transformations and growing pains is
an invaluable and rewarding learning experience. Sadly, we don’t currently have societal and
governmental systems and policies in place that fully support the diverse and expanding needs
of our community, so in the non profit social service field, difficult change is complicated and
inevitable. Despite many changes that resulted in the difficult decision to break onto a new
path, Robyn feels incredibly grateful to have served women and children for five years
in a program that she remains very fond of and dedicated to. Find her on Twitter @robynhendrix and check out her Pinterest page on reinventing yourself (responding to a meme’s ironic challenge about planning one’s divorce on the social media site with a rep for being overrun with brides-to-be).

This guest post I wrote for 5 BY 5 Design’s Inspiration page ran today:

I’m a freelance publicist and producer for creatives and entrepreneurs. I work with some of the most talented and innovative people in the world. I get to travel for work! When I’m not traveling, I mostly work in a hoodie and yoga pants. I work whenever I want, wherever I want. I am, quite literally, living my dream.

You know how I got this job? I made it up. I patchworked together my favorite things to do, what I know I’m good at, and called it a thing. I filed for LLC, made a website, and started. I had lots of people tell me I couldn’t do that. But I didn’t listen. Why? Because the people who were cheering for me were louder.

How did I get to this place? I realized a few years ago after staying at home with my boys for the five years prior that I just had this one time around. Maybe it was witnessing their daily joy, maybe it was coming out of the fog of the early stages of parenting, maybe it was the sleep deprivation. Probably a combination of those factors and others. There it was, clear as a bell: THIS IS IT. Now is the time. You are the one.

In this time I also realized that I was part of a dysfunctional marriage that was broken beyond repair. I could no longer show the boys how to be married to their dad well. I could, however, show them how to be solely happy; how to be happy alone. Which, if you think about it, may be the most important skill we ever learn. I could show them how to work hard, be honest, and build something from the ground up. I could show them that women are leaders. This will be my legacy. And I can’t think of anything better.

THIS IS IT. Now is the time. You are the one.

When they asked me to do this guest post, I wasn’t quite sure if they wanted me to do a PR tips list, or what, so I went to their website to see what others had written and found that the space where they put these articles is called “Inspiration”. I’ve told this exact story at least 1000 times in person but had never written it down. Decided it was time, and here’s the result. This is far better than any PR tips list in the inspiration category. We just get this one time around and every move we make; word we say counts. I hope you can find a way to get unstuck if you are. Tell the truth, especially to yourself. I wish you heaps of courage.

If you liked this article, you might also want to check out this list I made about knowing yourself better.

This week in my METRO Magazine column, I write about drawing lines in the social sand or “How To Deflect a Friend Request From Your Prying Coworker.” In addition to being an exercise to reflect on how I come to my decisons of who to add where, it became an audit system. In the spirit of being a good model of my advice, I unfollowed nearly 500 people on Twitter whose posts had no value to me and have been subtracting people from Facebook that I added before my “personal friends” only rule went into effect (so far, around 25 people). It’s refreshing. Less to skip over, and I’m seeing more posts I want to. I give you permission to do the same!

BONUS QUESTIONS!

Reader Lucie Amundsen asked me last week how I deal with the people who post those ’99% of you won’t repost this’ chain-mail type messages on Facebook. Usually, I scroll right by. It’s the strangest phenomenon, I think. If you’re passionate about a subject, just post a personal message about it. Try to avoid ever duplicating a post, if possible. It’s like paging through the paper to find they’ve inserted the same article five times. At least Facebook groups duplicate posts now and lists the names of friends who posted it, which is helpful. If you have someone who posts these types of things frequently, I say unsubscribe. It’s a very good tool to keep your news feed full of only what you wish to read. People who post these things: STOP. Please? We want to read your words.

On adding coworkers: A reader, who chooses to remain anonymous, told me about her system for new coworkers: if they make her laugh five times after having lunch with them and enjoying their company, she’ll consider adding them. I like it! Why not? Another noted that adding coworkers on social networks sure makes it hard to gripe anonymously about them. While I don’t have coworkers in the traditional sense, I can bet the pressure to add could be tricky. It should be noted that griping online is rarely, maybe never, encouraged. Answer the questions I lay out in the column to help you determine who to add, and when.

Is there a way that you do it or you’ve heard of that works particularly well? Please share it with us below.

Ask Clever Kate more questions on her Facebook page.

I get somewhere between 6 and 10 requests every week from people to have lunch or coffee with me, to pick my brain. Now, I am a civic-minded person who believes strongly in mentoring and being a part of my community, but there’s no possible way I can satisfy that many requests as it could add up to twenty hours or more a month. Six months ago, I decided to take 1 meeting of this type per month, to keep connected and be a support system for someone who would like to start a business like mine.

Recently, I had a woman starting a new blog ask if she could pay me for a couple of hours of my time, knowing she couldn’t afford my monthly retainer, but dead set that I was the person she needed to talk to. In a move that startled me, I agreed. We met, she paid for lunch, and I used my Square card reader to charge her at the end of the meeting. She was satisfied, and so was I. I love helping people, I’m good at what I do, and it gives me so much energy. But: this is not a hobby. I have a mortgage. And children.

So, with this I am announcing that I am now available for these appointments. The appointments are affordable and you’ll leave with a newly formed, clearer path of where you’re headed and a ton of information about how to do what you’re doing well, or better. Are you stuck? Have a project that you need some help getting off the ground? Do you have a website but no content? Want me to focus some attention on your show/app/new site? Want to figure out what the next step is in your career? Need a bio? Do you have an idea that you don’t know whether or not it has potential? See the list I made of how I can help you here.

I will start by offering two appointments per week, two hours each. If you feel like one isn’t enough, book two. Snatch one up, because they’re booking fast already by word of mouth.

I’m excited.

If you’d like to talk more about how much they cost and when we can get started, please email me directly and I’ll get back to you ASAP: kate@clever-kate.com, or see here.

If you liked this post, you might also like this one about Why My Life Doesn’t Suck.

Featured image: EyeSpy Photography

My first column for Metro magazine published this week! It will be a series on living modern life well and decoding our digital lives. The first topic I’ve tackled is Facebook.

I’ve answered two bonus questions that will run only here below. Enjoy!

On Tuesday this week I posted to Twitter, as I do on occasion, my thoughts on a certain practice — putting “This.” before a RT when you agree with something. I heard back from over 100 people, largely in agreement, that it was tired. It was a mostly hilarious exchange that had me giggling all morning. There were some that did not agree, which I expect as well. Encourage, in fact. In my head it was posed as a question, Could we stop doing this?, fully expecting some people to say no. Or argue why they really liked it and thought it was effective. No one really did.

Some were offended and thought I was scolding people for how they use Twitter. I see how someone who used “This” could feel put off. But, by saying so, they were scolding me for how I use Twitter. Funny how that works. We should use our accounts how we choose. Like cats? Cat it up! Love running? Show us your new shoes! Music nerd? Inform us! Like ‘This’? Use it. By all means. I’m a writer and wordsmith with opinions about and love for communication and grammar and practices, so, I post about that on occasion. I value what each and every one of the people I follow have to contribute. I think it’s amazing to have such a resource of knowledgeable people at my fingertips.

The bigger point here is this: Using Twitter is optional. It’s voluntary. It’s free. Use your tools better. (Thanks for that line, @nylons!) If I don’t like the things someone posts consistently, I unfollow them. If I don’t like what someone posts occasionally, I ignore it. Scroll right over. All the time.

Now, I hadn’t seen anyone do ‘this’ (rim shot) particular thing that morning, but it was something that was all over my feed the day prior. I’d hoped the “This” trend would trail off. The reason behind that? It doesn’t add anything. It is someone else’s thoughts with a throwaway word in front of them. Does it matter too much? Nah. I said it because:

I wanted to see change, so I created it.

I just hope at some point to get 100+ responses about something that really matters. I’ll do my part to make sure it happens.

Now. Show me your cute sleepy cat.

When did we lose our ability to say no? We need to get it back. Quick like.

I’ll admit, I’d lost mine for a while there. I gained it back recently, in spades, while going through a life-changing year. I like to think the number of requests won’t lessen and also that saying no will allow someone else to say yes. Maybe? Hopefully. I’m also pretty sure that saying no ties in directly to defining your values and knowing what you want your story to be. I defined what I value recently, here’s an excerpt:

Calm — good sleep, regular yoga, drama-free relationships, being organized, managing “noise”

Tradition — making things from scratch from my Grandmother’s recipes, carrying on special family practices, recalling my parents’ values and deciding which ones I would carry on

Honesty — honoring commitments, being on time, being kind & clear in difficult situations, clearly stating my needs

Happiness — simple, brilliant, child-like happiness: music, finding beauty, dancing (I love to dance), laughing, being curious, helping people succeed

Stability — well-managed finances, routines, stocked cupboards, feeling prepared, the basics

Community — solid and supportive friendships, working family relationships, donating time and funds selflessly to those who are struggling, spending money locally

Making a list like this helps you say no because you know what to say yes to. It might be hard at first, so take a little time, make sure you feel comfy there. Learn how to do it gently. Stop, wait, take a moment if you need to, get back to the person. Also: reject the idea that you need a lengthy explanation. Be as brief as possible. Have you ever sat through a lengthy explanation; a break up talk; someone clearly lying? It’s the WORST. Let’s not do that anymore, okay? It’s amazing how, over time, you’ll see a decrease in requests for things you don’t want to do. It’s because you’ve shown people what you’re about, what you want in your life, and what you don’t. Clear as a bell.

Here’s the play-by-play:

1) Figure out what you want in your life story and say yes to it.

2) Say no to the other stuff. With brevity.

3) Have more time to do the things you want, more space in your brain, and heaps of happiness.

Simple, right? If something’s not for you, say so. I give you permission. Now give it to yourself.

How many readers had a major change occur in their lives in the last six months? You all have? Yeah, that’s kind of what I suspected. So have I. More than one, actually, I think I’m closer to the baker’s dozen mark.

So, if change is that common—a part of our daily lives really—that makes me wonder… why the hell is it so disarming? A healthy dose of adjustment is necessary and appropriate, of course. But why so fret-inducing; so disruptive? Here’s what I think:

I think it’s because we rely on other people and outside things too much to provide us with our security and happiness. Relationships, technology, jobs, media, hell—coffee shops! All of it can change or go away at any time without warning. Forget can: It Will. I think we need to do the work and figure out how to be solely happy. And I think the answer lies in taking it all away. I have an idea: try the little plan I lay out for you next for anything that when you think about it going away, you panic. Plan for the worst; at least travel there in your brain. What if you lost your job tomorrow? Car accident that left your vehicle out of commission. Whatever gives you the most anxiety. It’s going to be very uncomfortable and this is a good thing. Stop and pause there, ask yourself these questions: How do I feel? What’s my backup plan? What can I do to make this better? When you’re content and settled in that space and have answers to those questions, you’re wholly more prepared for what life throws you next.

The ability to handle change with ease is an admirable quality. Wouldn’t it be calming and satisfying to list it as one of yours?

I wrote here about Why My Life Doesn’t Suck

I was certain I wanted different things in my life. I thought immediately a good place to start was trying to figure out what I wanted to do in a couple of years when these darling boys of mine were both in school full time. This was a little over a year ago. I for sure wanted to continue staying home with them and know I’m really bad at 9-5. I started patch-working together my favorite things to do and things at which I know I excel. I hosted a couple of art shows, started volunteering for orgs I admired, did a little values check, and when it was clear there was a market for what I was doing, and that I wanted this, I went for it. Little did I know that it would explode into something this big: a feature film, a column, lots of travel, national and international projects, hell—a paycheck.

Many say my business seems older than a year, something I undoubtedly love to hear. Essentially every part of my life has been overturned because of this major change and I was forced to adapt in an accelerated period of time. Instead of resist these changes, which would have been easier, I dove in head first to every opportunity I was handed; examined everything. In short order, I was able to see clearly through walls that were put up in front of me. Here’s some of what I learned in the process:

To tell the truth, and well. First to myself, and then to others. I just started telling the truth. And did so kindly. The people who should still be in my life, are.

To be happy while idle. Good god this took me a while. In Italian it is “dolce far niente” which translated is sweetness of nothing. Best ever.

How to say “No” or “I’ll get back to you” without an ounce of explanation. And that doing this causes a immediate respect that saying yes without hesitation does not.

That I live for the simplest of satisfactions. Please see: Amelie.

How to handle hard & rude questions with grace and class.

How to be truly vulernable. And that it’s the only way to love and be loved fully. My flaws are completely on display. Please see: telling the truth.

Not everyone likes me—and—how completely cool I am with that. Some people are meant for me and some are not. Cynics, specifically, have a very distinct disdain for me. But what DO they like? That stuff is theirs, not mine.

That I posses a freakish amount of influence, totally unbeknownst to me. (I’m not intending to toot my own horn here. I see my stats, read my comments, get all the emails, pitches, and requests.) Seriously didn’t have a clue. It startled me! Now that I am aware, I use my powers for good.

That, uncoincidentally, the happiest people I know are also the people I know to take the most risk. When I needed a boost, I modeled them. Didn’t feel as scary.

That procrastination and indecisiveness are, quite simply, fear. And although I am empathic, I have a low tolerance all three in other people. (Ouch. I know.)

Sleep. I need plenty of it. My brain is a sloth and my skin hurts without enough and that is simply not for me.

To pack (well) for a week-long trip in 20 minutes. I am a professional traveler and it rocks.

That I am a not an super extrovert like I’ve always believed, I’m more of a centrovert. I need downtime and I need to be alone. And that this misdirected self-definition explains A LOT of the unhappiness of my twenties.

And last but certainly not least:

That doing the right thing once isn’t amazing. But doing the right thing consistently over time adds up to something amazing: a good life.

Whew! That’s enough for today. Feel free to use all or part of my experience as you see fit to inspire the change you want in your life. Now, tell me what you learned this year.