I was certain I wanted different things in my life. I thought immediately a good place to start was trying to figure out what I wanted to do in a couple of years when these darling boys of mine were both in school full time. This was a little over a year ago. I for sure wanted to continue staying home with them and know I’m really bad at 9-5. I started patch-working together my favorite things to do and things at which I know I excel. I hosted a couple of art shows, started volunteering for orgs I admired, did a little values check, and when it was clear there was a market for what I was doing, and that I wanted this, I went for it. Little did I know that it would explode into something this big: a feature film, a column, lots of travel, national and international projects, hell—a paycheck.
Many say my business seems older than a year, something I undoubtedly love to hear. Essentially every part of my life has been overturned because of this major change and I was forced to adapt in an accelerated period of time. Instead of resist these changes, which would have been easier, I dove in head first to every opportunity I was handed; examined everything. In short order, I was able to see clearly through walls that were put up in front of me. Here’s some of what I learned in the process:
To tell the truth, and well. First to myself, and then to others. I just started telling the truth. And did so kindly. The people who should still be in my life, are.
To be happy while idle. Good god this took me a while. In Italian it is “dolce far niente” which translated is sweetness of nothing. Best ever.
How to say “No” or “I’ll get back to you” without an ounce of explanation. And that doing this causes a immediate respect that saying yes without hesitation does not.
That I live for the simplest of satisfactions. Please see: Amelie.
How to handle hard & rude questions with grace and class.
How to be truly vulernable. And that it’s the only way to love and be loved fully. My flaws are completely on display. Please see: telling the truth.
Not everyone likes me—and—how completely cool I am with that. Some people are meant for me and some are not. Cynics, specifically, have a very distinct disdain for me. But what DO they like? That stuff is theirs, not mine.
That I posses a freakish amount of influence, totally unbeknownst to me. (I’m not intending to toot my own horn here. I see my stats, read my comments, get all the emails, pitches, and requests.) Seriously didn’t have a clue. It startled me! Now that I am aware, I use my powers for good.
That, uncoincidentally, the happiest people I know are also the people I know to take the most risk. When I needed a boost, I modeled them. Didn’t feel as scary.
That procrastination and indecisiveness are, quite simply, fear. And although I am empathic, I have a low tolerance all three in other people. (Ouch. I know.)
Sleep. I need plenty of it. My brain is a sloth and my skin hurts without enough and that is simply not for me.
To pack (well) for a week-long trip in 20 minutes. I am a professional traveler and it rocks.
That I am a not an super extrovert like I’ve always believed, I’m more of a centrovert. I need downtime and I need to be alone. And that this misdirected self-definition explains A LOT of the unhappiness of my twenties.
And last but certainly not least:
That doing the right thing once isn’t amazing. But doing the right thing consistently over time adds up to something amazing: a good life.
Whew! That’s enough for today. Feel free to use all or part of my experience as you see fit to inspire the change you want in your life. Now, tell me what you learned this year.
Love. You’ve discovered the secret to a happy new year after year after year. <3
Just had to throw a healthy “HELL YEAH!” out for this. It’s always refreshing to see people jump head first and do it so well. Congrats on a wonderful year; 2011 will undoubtedly be amazing!
I like Kate. Kate is fun. Kate reacts well to a grown man on a bar stool dry humping his friend’s ear when meeting this man for the first time. Maybe because he has nice panniers. Like I said, I like Kate. Big o’ hugs, always.
Love this!!
I heart this. You are so inspiring.
I have freakishly long hands that dangle from oddly-miniature wrists. Combined with perpetually lost balance and an inability to speak with inflection, and I rarely touch, strategically show emotion and most always keep my hands at my sides. But to this list, and to you, unbridled: BIG. FLAILING. AWKWARD. HAPPY. FIST PUMP.
Go Team Kate. Go.
Sarah – Wow. Best. Comment. Ever. Yay!
Hi Kate! I just found your site from Twitter (@DJEmDash–just signed up at Amber’s recommendation!), and I love your attitude and these lessons you’ve learned. These are definitely some of the things that I’m working on myself, and I’m getting there on most–some?– of them! One of my things I learned this year: “No one cares about your zit (or your blemish or your stain or your hairday) as much as you do.” I look forward to following your example and being brave in new ways in 2011!
Best,
Maggie
Great post Kate! I am truly inspired by your web site.
As someone who gone through a lot of changes this past year and found a more graceful way of living, I can relate.
It is hard to learn to tell the truth (most especially to yourself sometimes) and even more difficult to be able to do so with kindness, but to be effective, and if you want it to be heard, this is how it should be done.
I must admit I have trouble taking the big leaps that my heart still wants. And that is probably the result of fear. I have taken great big risks before in my life, and had it work out beautifully, but life has a way of throwing you curve balls sometimes and lulling you into complacency too. Kind of a double whammy of stasis. For me (at this stage of my life) I am finding that small steps forward are what works best, while I gather myself for the leap;-) Anyway, I thought that I would share with you that I think you are right to call indecision and procrastination by their proper name.
Hi Daniel, Thanks for commenting. Love “double whammy of stasis.” You can make up your own sized leaps. Sounds like you’ve had a heck of a year, too. Good for you for getting into it and coming out with this great perspective. Looking forward to a fantastic 2011.